Film Review: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

I’m having trouble categorizing this movie, and I think the movie isn’t quite sure what it is either. At times it seems to let itself go into full action fantasy, disregarding physics for effects and giving the impression that the president was secretly from Krypton. Other times it wants to be taken seriously, presenting material that wanted to carry more weight than it could handle. Seriously, it’s about the sixteenth president’s war with the undead forces of evil, the quiet moments are awkward and out of place.

So is it a film you want to see? Let’s take a look.

The novel this film is based off of covers a lot of ground, from the death of his mother to his political campaign. The film gives both of these scenes a passing nod, something that kind of annoys me. The death of his mom is tragic yes, but it’s the only scene they share in the entire film and given that you really have no problem shrugging it off. Still, I suppose it’s better than his father’s demise, who only receives a passing nod in the narration. Now I understand that the movie wants to get to the vampire hunting quickly, but his mother’s death is the driving force behind his need to decapitate these monsters with an axe, I’m sure an extra five minutes with her wouldn't have its audience walking out of the room.

But I can overlook this; I can ignore it because we get right to the action after her death, jumping ahead a few years to when he’s a young man (Benjamin Walker in his first major film role). While having a quick drink in a bar he’s approached by Henry (Dominic Cooper, Captain America), who tries starting a conversation. Lincoln, deciding that the film should get to the vampire killing instead of wasting time on stupid things like character development, shrugs him off and walks outside to the docks where he confronts the murderer of his mother, Jack Barts (Marton Csokas, The Lord of the Rings). After promptly getting his ass handed to him, Abe is rescued by Henry.

Waking up in his house, Abe is immediately taught how to properly dispel vampires through a montage. By the end he’s somehow gained super strength and near indestructibility  Now even full grown horses being thrown at him are not enough to stop ol’ Abe. Seriously, just take any Chuck Norris joke, swap the name and you get the idea. Now this film has been nothing but action up to this point, until we meet Mary Todd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World). She catches the eye of our protagonist and it comes as no surprise that they marry, but the scenes of them bonding are hard to sit through.

At this point I was in full action mode and expected that their romance would be summed up in a narration and we’d get back to the vampire slaying, but we spend a lot of time (for this film anyway) building up the romance. Now that isn't a bad thing, but films usually start slow and then build up, not start fast then stop completely before picking up the plot again. Yes, he loves her enough to marry her, but he loved his mom enough to create a lifetime vendetta against the creatures that killed her. Who decided a passing glance at that wasn't screen-worthy?

From action we move into romance, historical drama, and right back to action. We learn the Confederate army was actually made up of the vampires, that his third son (though they never speak of or reference the other two) was really killed by a vampire assassin dressed as a maid, and that he had an epic battle in and on top of a train riding over a flaming track. Yep, suddenly History wasn't such a boring subject to me.

So now that I've given the plot, let’s get to the verdict.

Benjamin Walker doesn't really sell the role of Lincoln, sad because you get the sense that he’s a talented actor. He’s an okay action star but not very good at showing emotions, like the death of his son. He looked bored for the entire minute, like there were some more vampires he could be out killing instead. It’s not just the acting of Lincoln, but also the way he’s presented. In one montage he’s gained the skills of the Winchester Brothers and Clark Kent, but who am I to question the abilities of a montage. He does need saving once, but my suspension of disbelief couldn't get past the many ways that wouldn't have worked.

Dominic Cooper plays Henry Sturges, Lincoln’s teacher. He does a great job portraying the character and I can’t really find a major problem with his performance. He displays sadness well, and that’s really the only expression Henry has. He’s good, moving on.

Mary Elizabeth Winstead plays Mary Todd, the wife of Lincoln. I loved her as Ramona in Scott Pilgrim and was sad that she chose such a horrible role. She plays the part well, but unfortunately her only scenes are the ones that slow the film down, like when their love is developing. Sorry to say it, but she really wasn’t the bright spot I was hoping she’d be. The movie was too confused to use her full abilities and that is one huge mistake.

Anthony Mackie (Hurt Locker) plays William H. Johnson, the childhood friend of Abe (in real life he was the President’s valet). He is easily the best performance in the film, despite that not being too hard to achieve. My one complaint rest with the character and not the actor, that being that he is just as good a fighter as Abe, shown in the ending fight scene. I guess he went through the same montage off screen, but it really just came out of nowhere when he started killing the vampires in perfect synchronization with Abraham.

Now this was based off a popular book, and like most book-to-film adaptations it varies with what it follows and what it omits. The book is told from Lincoln’s point-of-view and covers a lot about him, like the relationship between him and his family.  In the book, when the mom dies you can sense the agony and depression he is in, unlike the film where her death is more important than an extra dying, but not by much. Also in the novel you learn that Abe built his strength up through the labors he did every single day, making it much more believable why he’s able to stand his own against the undead. The film also leaves out an important character in Edgar Allan Poe, the poet Abe befriends that informs him of why the vampires are coming to America. The endings vary, but I won’t give them away in case you don’t want to be spoiled.

Rating: 5 out of 10

Pros: action is nicely choreographed, acting isn't unbearable, effects are nice, takes itself serious despite silly concept.

Cons: film isn’t sure what it’s trying to be, physics work like a Looney Tunes short, Abe belongs in a DC comic book, improper use of Mary Elizabeth Winstead, slowing down when it clearly doesn't know how, trying to evoke an emotion without any idea of how.

If you want an actual plot, read the book. It’s well-written, humorous, and works hard to sell you on the ridiculous material.

Film Review: Rock of Ages

Musicals are very complicated, walking thin lines between mesmerizing pieces of art and excruciatingly mindless trash. Anyone who can craft a decent musical must be commended, having to work in the song and dance routine and make it seem meaningful at the same time. It's difficult for characters to get flushed out when they rely on songs to express their emotions. You have to know when the spoken word is stronger than the sung one too, or when silence can say it all.

Enter Rock of Ages, a film that isn't quite comfortable without a song.

The film centers on a popular nightclub located on the famous Sunset Strip in the late eighties, when rock and roll ruled, an outfit made entirely of leather brought praise rather than ridicule, and rock-stars were the kings and queens. The ensemble cast is rounded out with the well-known (Cruise, Zeta-Jones, Baldwin), and led by newcomers Julianne Hough (Footloose, 2011) and Diego Boneta (Pretty Little Liars). Cruise immediately steals every scene he is in, capturing just what it was to be a rocker in the eighties, complete with outrageous purchases such as Heyman, his monkey assistant. He is the major focus of the film and receives the most development, changing from waking up in his fancy bedroom with a handful of women to earning a love-interest that carries his child by the end credits.

The actors all do their jobs well, aside from (as unbelievable as it sounds) Bryan Cranston. Yes, he is an amazing actor and deserves all the awards and recognition that Breaking Bad has brought him. But as much as it pains me to say, this was not his brightest decision. He feels underused and underdeveloped, and believe me in this film that is quite an accomplishment.

On that note I bring up Alec Baldwin (30 Rock) and Russel Brand (Get Him to The Greek), two great actors that portray the club owner and his right-hand man respectively. These are two of my favorite actors, and knowing that this was an ensemble cast I knew not to expect many scenes focusing solely on the two. Unfortunately I was wrong. If it was handled better this would have been a good thing, but sadly it wasn't. The characters start the film as friends, sitting down and conversing over beer and the matter, but halfway through the film a love ballad reveals them to be in love with each other, assisted through flashbacks to . . . well, before the film. Now my sole problem is that this feels forced, written in so that they could add another song to the soundtrack and make sure the money they paid these two didn't go to waste. If the film had hinted that they were gay prior to this scene then it wouldn't annoy me as much, but it's not.

The two leads are alright for the little experience they have, though the chemistry comes off as being a little cardboard at first they seem to mesh better by the end. Sherrie is a small town girl living in a lonely world (you know the song) that rides into Hollywood with hopes and dreams of becoming a famous singer. Before you can say "ridiculously forced love-interest" she meets Drew, a man that gets her a job at the nightclub he works in. Now I'm somewhat of an optimist, but to arrive in Hollywood and earn a job at a place that is perfect for up-and-coming singers in less than a day is a pretty hard pill to swallow. Still, this isn't a heartbreaking tale about keeping perseverance when your hopes and dreams don't come true, it's a musical with a monkey. Like every couple they break up over a misunderstanding rather than sit down and talk about what they believe happened because that's what any sane person would do. Either way you're just humming along with the music until the obvious moment when they get back together.

The music is amazing, and for a majority of the songs you'll find that you know most (if not all) of the lyrics. Alec Baldwin, whose distinct voice never changes, somehow managed to sound amazing to me despite his talk-singing. But while the music is definitely the film's greatest strength, it's also its major flaw. At very few points in the film did it calm down to breathe or let things sink in. From one song we are given a brief explanation of why we're moving into another one; repeat for two hours and you have the film. I love rock and roll (fighting urge to sing), but that doesn't mean I'm willing to sacrifice my need for a plot or major character development for it.

Across the Universe is one of my favorite films, and despite a rushed opening it managed to slow down and deliver great characters. It was ten minutes longer but it managed to achieve so much, perhaps an extra ten minutes could have helped this film.

Rating: 6 out of 10.

Pros: the acting, the music, the sets that manage to capture the time period, the monkey that isn't too ridiculous.

Cons: too few moments of plot or character development, Brand and Baldwin's subplot comes from out of nowhere and relies on scenes not shown to fuel it, no quiet moments to reflect on all that happens.

Small Beginnings.

I am very ecstatic about my first post to the site, happy and overwhelmed to think that this may be the start of something beyond my imagination. To the few that read this, I thank you. I'm sure you have much better things to do than read the blog of a nobody such as myself.  I'm not quite sure where to start, but why not with a review? That is, after all, the entire reason I started this thing.